The true legend of

CANNIBAL PENGUIN

The first, last, only and best Fuck Metal band ever!

- 26th Jul. 2009 : Yann K. (philosopher, writer, professor, husband and father) wakes-up with a mystic revelation and says, at the age of 36 : "Now I fucking want to play E-guitar!"

- 1st Aug. 2009 : Yann K. buys a Les Paul and starts to play (very bad)

- 10 Aug. 2009 : His friend Axel E. (35 y.o., consultant) says : "Ok, if you start the guitar, I must start again with Bass-guitar...". And he fuckin' does it!

- 6th Nov. 2009 : Drunked after a metal concert, Axel E. and Yann K.create the Cannibal Penguin Mythology.

- 26th Jul. 2010 : Creation of www.cannibalpenguin.com and official birth of CANNIBAL PENGUIN, the first and best Fuck Metal Band ever. Cannibal Penguin starts from scratch...

The following advertissement is published on the website :

- 4th sept. 2010 : Louis A-L finds the advertissement and calls Yann K. on the phone... He is a former "Republican Guard" in France. After killing zombies with is mouth in Pakistan, he comes back to France. One day, he goes out with his dog, at the age of 42, and he comes back with a e-guitar. After a discussion with Yann about Punk, Rock, Metal, Richard Wagner, baroque classical opéra and beer, Louis becomes the 2d. guitarist of Cannibal Penguin. He plays very badly also... He takes the name of STREET BOB.

- 21st sept. 2010 : André-Charles I., drummer, movie maker and very very mad boy wants to join the band. Axel, Louis and Yann try to convince him not to do such a stupid thing : "Don't do it ! You would be the only one to play correctly your instrument!". But waved by suicidal tendencies, he insists and becomes the drummer...

- 1st oct. 2010 : After meeting God for the second time (or something he really believes is God), Yann K. has a second revelation... He takes the stage name BEEFCAKE and plays with make-up... The result frightens his wife but makes his children laugh... Fuck Metal is moving forward ! Or backward... Anyway ! It's moving...

- 5th. oct. 2010 : After breaking his leg, Beefcake's neighbour, Yannick M., also has a revelation... He immediatly converts to Fuck Metal. He could be the singer of the band. But after the first rehearsal he decides that he is not ready yet for this terrifying experience. He decides to spend 10 years in a Fuck Metal community in Las Vegas.

- 27th oct. 2010 : The spirit of Dimebag Darrel comes personnaly at the 5th rehearsal of the band. He writes "The 10 Commandments of Fuck Metal". Curiously given in french, there are 11 of them !

1. Pour faire du Fuck métal, bois de la bière

2. Si tu sais bien jouer de ton instrument, ne fais pas du Fuck Métal

3. Si tu es nul, vas-y !!! Year ! Fuck Métal !

4. Adore les pingouins cannibals

5. Fais ce que tu veux

6. Fais n’importe quoi, mais fais-le bien…

7. Si tu fais des fausses notes, monte la disto et dis que c’est ça le Fuck Métal (cf. Kurt Cobain)

8. Si tu veux te suicider, prends plutôt une bière

9. Si tu veux toujours te suicider, compose une balade trash sur les pingouins cannibales.

10. Si tu crois que tu chantes trop aigu ou trop grave, dis que c’est comme ça que se chante le Fuck Métal.

11. Le Fuck Métal c’est toi !

- Nov. 2010 : BEEFCAKE decides to become, not only a bad guitar player, but also a bad singer. The group is now complete...

- Dec. 2010 : Axel E. buys a new bass : silver color and very bad sound. He also buys a silver T-Shirt and a silver helmett. He finally finds what he wants to do with his life : sustenable Fuck Metal! He takes the stage name of SILVER FUCKER.

- After this, the story is to long to tell... The telepathic penguins tried to avoid the raise of Cannibal Penguin... Silver fucker and the drummer Sticky Fingers were killed in a so-called accident. A new group was formed with Bernard Hinault (Bass) and Carolux (Drums).

- March 2013 : After a couple of fucking succesful concerts and a new drummer, Cannibal Penguin seems to be on the way to a worldwide fame. But Carolux is intoxicated by telepathic penguins and must stop playing the drums. A new drummer arrives. Maxime M is quite younger (25 y.o.) and has NO BRAIN at all. That is why he was not able to find a new name. That is why we keep on calling him Carolux.

- September 2014 : CANNIBAL PENGUIN enters an art Galery and plays in a performing art festival at the well known 59 Galery in the middle of Paris. People finally understood that CANNIBAL PENGUIN and Fuck Metal is not really music. It's more a way of living and thinking, like people who only eat peanuts or like Jean-Paul Sartre.

It's gonna be a great success. Why? Because the new drummer looks really very stupid... And he is !

To be continued...

WHO SAYS I'M NOT?